How to Make the Transition to Daycare a Success (Tips for Parents and Children)
Starting daycare is a big step—for you and your child. With good preparation and a proven transition model (e.g., the Berlin or Munich model), you can help your child navigate this phase gently. Typically, the settling-in period lasts about 2–4 weeks, during which you and your child build trust with the teachers. Studies show that children who started a gentle transition into daycare were sick significantly longer during the first six months and exhibited noticeably more anxious behavior. Loving support from you and the childcare staff, on the other hand, fosters a secure attachment. A good daycare center actively involves you in the process, discusses progress and setbacks, and thus helps everyone experience this transition in a positive way.
Settling-in Models: The Berlin Model vs. the Munich Model
There are various models for how the transition to daycare can take place. The best-known is the Berlin Settling-In Model. In this model, a familiar caregiver (e.g., Mom or Dad) stays in the group room for a few hours at a time during the initial phase. After an initial phase of about three days initial phase (during which parents are passively present), the first brief separation attempt takes place on the fourth day. Depending on the child’s reaction, the separation time is then gradually extended. Eventually, the teachers gently take on more and more caregiving responsibilities until, after about 2–4 weeks, the child is at the center without their parents.
In the the Munich Settling-In Model , your child takes center stage as a capable participant. Here, too, there are defined phases: preparation, getting to know the environment, and building security and trust. During the getting-to-know-you phase, your child visits the daycare center with you to familiarize themselves with the daily routine at a relaxed pace. Only then do the first brief separation attempts take place, and the teachersgradually take over care, always in close consultation with you. Both models aim to provide your child with as much security and closeness as possible until they.
Stages of Adjustment
| Phase | Berliner Modell | Münchner Modell |
|---|---|---|
| Vorbereitung | Elterninfo & Kennenlerngespräche, erste Kita-Besuche | Kita besuchen, Raum & Erzieher*innen kennenlernen |
| Grundphase / Kennenlernen | 3 Tage: Eltern bleiben passiv dabei, pflegerische Aufgaben übernehmen | Gemeinsame Besuche mit Eltern; Kind erkundet behutsam die Kita |
| Erster Trennungsversuch / Sicherheitsphase | 4. Tag: erste kurze Trennung (z.B. 30 Min), Beobachtung der Reaktion | Erste kurze Trennung: Kind lernt, dass die Erzieher*in für es da ist |
| Stabilisierungsphase / Vertrauensphase | Trennungszeit wird verlängert (bis 1-2 Std.), Erzieher*innen übernehmen Wickeln/Füttern | Erzieher*innen übernehmen Schritt für Schritt alle Pflegeaufgaben, Eltern ziehen sich zurück |
| Schlussphase / Auswertung | Nach ca. 2-4 Wochen erfolgt der komplette Abschied der Eltern | Abschlussgespräch: Erzieher*innen berichten, Kind ist in Gruppe integriert |
How long does the adjustment period last?
- 2–4 weeks is standard. In a survey, 44% of institutions reported 3–4 weeks, and 42% reported exactly 2 weeks.
- Generally speaking, the adjustment period depends on the child: Children with a secure attachment often feel at ease after just two weeks. Children who are very sensitive or vulnerable (e.g., under two years of age) may need more time.
- External factors also play a role: Longer care hours (more hours per day) or additional stressors (e.g., illness) can prolong the adjustment period. A daycare director from Hamburg therefore usually recommends planning for 4 weeks—and in the case of illness, it can even take 6 weeks.
It’s important not to rush things. “The more relaxed the parents are about it, the more relaxed the children will be, too.” Trust that your child is allowed to go at their own pace.
How can you prepare your child?
Careful preparation helps many children (and parents) overcome their fears:
- Practicing Separation Situations: Gradually get your child used to being alone (e.g., with a babysitter or in a playgroup). Daycare director Schröder advises: For children under three, it really helps to prepare them by getting to know a babysitter or playing regularly without parents .
- Books & Conversations: Read picture books about starting daycare or preschool. Talk about the new adventures and answer all your child’s questions. This will help build excitement and ease any fears.
- Introductory Visit: Take advantage of the open houses or short visit arrangements that are often offered. If your child gets to know the group room, the toys, and the teachers in a relaxed way while you’re there, many things will feel more familiar to them when they come later on without you.
- Shared Routines: Start gradually restructuring your daily routine ahead of time. Have your slippers ready, and practice arriving on time or a little goodbye ritual at home. A consistent daily routine provides a sense of security.
- Comfort Items: Give your child a personal item (e.g., a comfort blanket or favorite toy). The familiar scent and a cozy stuffed animal can provide comfort even in a new environment.
- Fill out the parent information form: Tell the teachers as much as you can about your child: eating and sleeping habits, favorite routines, fears, and the words they use to describe things (e.g., “Güll” for “thirst”). This will help the team best adapt to your child’s needs.
Stay as calm and positive as possible before and during the adjustment period calm and positive. You are your child’s most important source of support. As one teacher explains: When your child sees that you trust the teachers, that trust rubs off on them—and then saying goodbye is often easier.
Separation Anxiety & Difficult Adjustment
It’s normal for your child to cry when you say goodbye or to cling to you. Tears don’t mean that everything is going wrong; on the contrary, they’re a sign of healthy attachment. Many children simply need a little time during the first few days to settle in. Despite the tears, maintain a loving but firm routine: Say goodbye, stay positive, and slowly step back. This will help your child feel that you’ ’ll still be there, even when you’re gone. Lieselotte Ahnert, a developmental psychologist, emphasizes that a good daycare center involves parents in the process: Progress and challenges are discussed regularly so that parents feel reassured.
Sometimes, however, the adjustment period doesn’t go smoothly. If your child reacts with a lot of anxiety or if you’ve been stuck in this phase for weeks, be sure to discuss this with the daycare team. There are various strategies: Some centers very gradually extend the separation time or temporarily switch the primary caregiver. It’s important that you, as parents, stay calm. As one daycare director advises: Explain to your child that other children go through similar experiences and that this phase will pass. At home, you can also provide reassurance afterward by talking with your child about their experiences (without pressuring them) and showing understanding.
What should you do if it just isn't working out?
In rare cases, the adjustment period ends prematurely in a full-blown crisis. Then there is a Plan B:
- Alternative Child Care: Check to see if a qualified child care provider or trusted family members (grandparents) can temporarily take over. Many children often find it easier to adjust when they already know the caregiver.
- Extending Parental Leave: If no other solution works, a short extension of parental leave may help. Some children go to bed or to daycare after a “grace period” (e.g., a few weeks later) and then adjust much more easily.
- Wait and try again: In particular, toddlers under 3 tend to adjust more successfully to daycare after their third birthday. Experts have observed that many children suddenly have no trouble staying at daycare after their third birthday—simply because they’re a little further along in their development.
Even if it’s hard, don’t give up. A teacher reassures us: “Every child is suited for daycare and will feel comfortable there sooner or later.”. With patience, your trust, and the support of the teachers, your child will make the transition.
An Overview of Child-Friendly Adjustment
- Duration: Plan for 2–4 weeks—longer if necessary (e.g., in case of illness).
- Steps: Parent Information & Getting Acquainted → Initial Phase → Gradual Separations → Stabilization Phase → Completion. (See table above.)
- Parental Behavior: Stay as relaxed as possible. Your child senses your mood— the calmer you are, the calmer your child will be.
- Preparing Children: Read books, visit the daycare center together, and practice short separations (playgroup, babysitter).
- Building Trust: Give the child time to bring a favorite item and plenty of physical contact at the beginning. Talk openly with the teachers—they are your allies in this process.
- When fears run high: Crying is normal. Show understanding, but stick to your rules. A good daycare group responds with empathy, provides a sense of security, and always involves you as a parent.
- In an emergency: Talk to the management and work together to find solutions (more flexible hours, a different caregiver, a childminder, etc.).
The most important thing is that your child feels that you trust them. As one expert explains: When your child notices that you trust the teacher, that trust is transferred to them. This turns the separation phase into a step that is marked by love and trust.